Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The physical relief I got from taking my new job has been absolutely great. After three months, I'm almost out of pain. The downside has been that the bullshit that comes with the job has triggered a major depressive episode. I'm sleeping 10 - 12 hours and waking up tired. Going in to work in a daze, leaving to run the route in a bigger one. So frustrated or pissed off within 2 hours that I can't concentrate. Yesterday I was ready to go ballistic at the first person that talked to me after my first stop for no reason. From walking around like I was stoned off my ass to ready to fight. By the end of the day, I was so hyper that I couldn't hardly stop talking. I'm going to have to get my meds reviewed and screened for bi-polar. This job has made me a complete mess. The self-confidence and strength I had in my old job went straight to hell. The only thing that reminds me that I still have control is a nice 80 mile-per-hour run down the freeway on my bike. The one thing that everyone thought would kill me has been the thing that helped me most. But for the job, I could get more therapy from it. Fuck the job. My sanity has to come first.