Every time I see her I feel like I'm about to burst into tears, the smile, the eyes, pure beauty that I wish I could wake up to every day. And yet so jealous of everything she has that I never can. To be 22 again with her build, that incredible face and bone structure.
Moods are cycling, brain is being an insufferable bitch, bipolar is trying to take me to another dimension. It's starting to feel like I don't belong here anymore. I just want it to stop, please just make it fucking stop.
It will probably be at the end of next week before I get the lab results back from this round of tests. I hope it's cancer, I pray that it's terminal, I hope that it will come quickly. I hope it hurts so that I can feel something other than depression.
I don't know why I've kept trying to fight through an unwinnable never ending battle. I should have surrendered a long time ago, but there will be no white flag. Just a simple white sheet covering an icy metal table, it's almost time for me to rest. Behold, the grave beckons.
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